Sesame fail #1

The first time the Street told me to hit the road.

Sesame fail #4

I didn't want the job anyway. Kids are dumb.

Sesame fail #5

At least I got a callback. Didn't get it. Obviously.

My Growing Fame

Things are clearly looking up for old Uncle Abe!

Time is Relative

You can get historic license plates for a 2001 Honda Accord.

The New Voice of A.I.

I feel like Steve Jobs was just a tad judgmental.

Cosmic Vibes

He wasn't wrong.

Common Enemy

I will build my tribe even if it means alienating decor items. Yes, I am that bad ass.

Sesame fail #6

I've been to the moon. Meh.

Hot Dog!

I get disqualified from many human competitions.

Sesame fail #2

I learned resiliency on the Street.

Pop Goes the Abe

I might have abducted Carson Daly. Briefly.

Late Night Co-Pilot

No one ever took me up on the offer. Huh.

Raptastic

I often dream in binary. I am fluent.

The Unknown Celebrity

Golf bags are surprisingly snuggly.

Baby Whisperer

I don't sugar coat it for kids.

Dating Game

Not talking about you guys. You will definitely stay together. Probably.

Dog Show Money

I make a great pet.

Bad CGI

I've been mistaken for worse.

Sesame fail #3

The real title of this video should have been "Car-Flattened Squirrels."

Pop Goes the Abe

Technically, I never lost since this never aired.

One Man Show

I almost outnumbered the audience.

It's Not College. It's DeVry!

I did not come in last. Small victories.

The Boy Band Bonanza

Yeah. I tried to ride that wave. Until they told me "Bye, Bye, Bye."

Wrong

In 100 years, all the podcasts in recorded history will still weight less than a mote of dust.

The Lost AGT Audition

I turned the tables on the judges. Judge not....yadda yadda yadda

Sesame fail #5

I would have been an interesting "Ernie"

A Mistake

I think I've made a horrible mistake.