Privacy Policy

Last Updated: 6/10/2025

Welcome to AbeTheAlien.com, the official home of the galaxy’s favorite adult puppet life form. This Privacy Policy explains how we collect, use, and protect your information when you visit our website or interact with us.

Let’s keep this clear, honest, and mostly free of galactic jargon.

1. Who We Are

This site is operated by Abe The Alien Productions (“we,” “us,” or “our”). We’re a creative entertainment venture based on Earth (specifically Columbus, Ohio), and we use this site to promote the bizarre brilliance of Abe the Alien.

If you have questions, contact us at:
📧 [email link]
📍 Earth HQ: Columbus, OH

2. What We Collect (and Why)

We only collect what we need—no creepy surveillance drones, promise.

Information You Voluntarily Provide

Contact forms: If you reach out (e.g., booking inquiries or fan mail), we collect your name, email, and message.
Newsletter sign-ups: If you want cosmic updates, we’ll collect your name and email to send you show info, behind-the-scenes chaos, and maybe a meme or two.

Automatically Collected Data

Like every other website on this spinning rock, we collect:

IP addresses
Browser type & device
Referring URLs
Pages visited & time spent

We use cookies (the digital kind, not the chocolate chip kind—sorry) to improve your experience and see what kind of Earthlings are visiting the site.

3. How We Use Your Info

We use the information we collect to:

Respond to your messages and booking inquiries
Send you promotional updates (only if you sign up—no unsolicited space spam)
Analyze traffic and site performance
Protect the site from fraud, abuse, and cyber attacks from Saturn

We do not sell, rent, or trade your personal information. Ever. Not to advertisers. Not to aliens. Not even to Abe’s cousin Zlorbn.

4. Third-Party Services

We may use third-party tools to power parts of our site:

Google Analytics – for traffic data (aggregated and anonymized)
Email marketing platforms (e.g., Mailchimp or similar) – for newsletters

These services have their own privacy policies. We’ve chosen reputable vendors that comply with GDPR, CCPA, and the Galactic Privacy Accord (okay, maybe not the last one... yet).

5. Your Rights

Depending on where you live, you may have some or all of the following rights:

Access: You can ask what data we have on you
Correction: You can ask us to fix incorrect info
Deletion: You can ask us to erase your data (unless we legally need to keep it)
Opt-Out: You can unsubscribe from marketing emails any time using the link in our emails or by contacting us

Residents of the EU/EEA (under GDPR) and California (under CCPA/CPRA) get special shout-outs: we honor your rights, and we don’t discriminate against you for exercising them.

6. Data Security

We use industry-standard security practices to protect your information, including SSL encryption and access controls. That said, no website is 100% secure—not even the Pentagon, and certainly not a puppet show site. Use the internet wisely.

7. Children’s Privacy

This site is intended for adults (it’s an adult puppet show, after all). We don’t knowingly collect information from anyone under the age of 13. If you’re a parent and believe your child has submitted information, please contact us so we can delete it.

8. International Visitors

AbeTheAlien.com is operated in the U.S. If you’re visiting from another country, your data may be transferred to, stored in, and processed in the U.S. By using the site, you consent to that transfer.

9. Changes to This Policy

We may update this Privacy Policy from time to time. If we do, we’ll update the “Last Updated” date at the top. Big changes will be announced on the site or via newsletter (if you’re subscribed). Check back occasionally or consult your nearest space oracle.

10. Contact Us

If you have questions, requests, or a burning desire to say hi:

📧 [email link]
📍 Columbus, Ohio (Earth base)
🪐 Or send a message via wormhole—just don’t expect a reply

Thanks for reading, and thanks for trusting us. Now go enjoy the weirdness.